Archive for September, 2020

Myth-Making

September 28, 2020

On my kitchen wall hangs a charming picture of my mother, dressed to the nines, sitting at the table in our Memphis kitchen circa 1960, serving slices of lemon meringue pie to my brother and me. I’m holding my plate with a big loving grin on my adorable five-year-old face, and we’re all smiling warmly — if a bit artificially — at one another, over my mother’s magnificent culinary creation.

Many folks will be too young to remember this, but at one time regional newspapers ran a weekly column spotlighting a specialty dish prepared by a local homemaker. It was a minor honor to come to the attention of the editors of these pieces, and I’m sure my mother, who would have been about 40 at the time, was pleased to be selected. She was in fact a wonderful cook, with a real passion for food and curiosity about cuisine, which was not necessarily common in those days of fish sticks and jello. She even had an advanced degree in nutritional science and worked for a time as a hospital dietician.

But the funny thing about this newspaper piece is that lemon meringue pie was NOT her specialty! In fact, she said that she never conquered meringue; despite her culinary skill, hers would always ‘weep.’ But evidently the Memphis Commercial Appeal editor wanted a piece about lemon meringue pie that week, dammit, and my mother was assigned to make it regardless! We WERE a happy family, and my mother WAS a good cook, but beyond that, the piece was totally fabricated. Even the items arranged on the countertop in the background are make-believe — a silver tea service, a stylish hammered aluminum ice bucket. These would never have been out on a daily basis, but were probably chosen and deployed by the photographer for the photo op.

I find all this simultaneously amusing and distressing. My mother laughed it off, though I’m sure it rankled not to be allowed to flaunt her authentic talents rather than the ersatz ones demanded by the paper. Certainly it was typical of the time period, when married women couldn’t get credit cards in their own names or serve on juries in some states. Enforced meringue-making really isn’t that big a step from handmaid bonnets.

I can’t help but relate this to Ruth Bader Ginsberg’s incredible body of work on gender rights, and the insult to that effort represented by Trump’s nomination of Amy Barrett to RBG’s seat. After decades of progress, are we now to be driven backwards? — towards a society in which women’s true gifts, natures and ambitions are of no interest; indeed are openly repressed? The America some yearn to ‘recreate’ never really existed for vast numbers of Americans — it was a myth, just like my mother’s meringue.

With age comes . . . equanimity.

September 5, 2020

Most of the time, we don’t appreciate growing older. I recall a few exceptions — such as noticing my agonizing self-consciousness fading as I passed my teens, or my migraines and allergies waning after several decades of suffering. Now, in the great plague of 2020, I am experiencing the most powerful example ever. I feel so very lucky that I am reaching the twilight of my career and indeed my life. (I’m 65.) I have had my run — I enjoyed the wild run of my misspent youth (just pre-AIDS), I was able to work without interruption for over 40 years, and to travel widely and freely. I was able to revel in concerts and movies and shows and parties for over six decades, and I raised my children without having to teach them algebra (which wouldn’t have gone well).

As it is, despite these manifold blessings, I feel pretty cheated right now, with the cancellation of so many activities which impart sweetness to life. But how would I feel if I were 20? Massively depressed, I’m sure! I totally get it, college kids, when you just have to go to a party or have casual sex — although of course I wish you wouldn’t, not right now.

But in 2020, it’s a relief and a blessing to be so old that these impulses have atrophied. I’m glad I’m not just starting out, with a furious hunger for the world and for experience, with everything shut down and inaccessible. I’m glad I’m not under to the gun to get a career into high gear, with so many roadblocks in my path. I’m glad I’m old enough to be more or less contented in my own company, and to have burned off most of the intense moods of youth.

My sympathies are with you, young people everywhere. I hope you get your turn at the action before you’re too mature to enjoy it!